After listening to an interesting session on ABC Life Matters about a group of dad’s in Northern Territory talking about the benefits of being a stay at home Dad and having the opportunity of getting to know their children instead of working full time, prompted me to recap on what I had missed out on by having to work full time when my daughters were young.
It wasn’t only myself who missed out on spending quality time to get to know my daughters it was also my girls missing out on having a stay at home mother.
As a sole parent I worked long hours and didn’t get the opportunity needed by all to be the perfect mum, I had to take on the role of being a Super Mum. I did manage to get some home help for preparing the weekend meals enabling me to spend quality time with my girls.
On reflection of having no alternative than to work full time to house, feed, and clothe us and to try and get some home help, especially after my girls came home from school was a huge challenge. The women hired either had their own agendas, like doing commercial ironing at my house, using my electricity or wouldn’t actually take care of my daughters. For many years I struggled with getting the right help and of course the cost was outrageous.
Unfortunately, their father jerked his responsibility of paying child maintenance and many times he would disappoint the girls by either not turning up to take them out over the weekend or if he did it was with one of his casual girlfriends. Demonstrating that he thought more about his own self then his daughters.
What constitutes a Super Mum, being there as someone who could love and help them through their life challenges, provide suitable housing, which was a struggle especially when my ex-husband tried to have us evicted from the house that I was paying off the mortgage.
My property settlement was in 1976 prior to the current Family Law Legislation as it is now. The courts now are a lot fairer for the woman, especially with children.
I walked away from a twelve-year marriage with $13,000 to start our lives and find a suitable home, which ended up being a two-bedroom unit. Coming from a four-bedroom home with a double garage was extremely hard for all of us to settle into a small two bedroom unit with the girls having to share a small bedroom with bunk beds being the only way of housing the both of them.
The early years of my eldest starting out in high school while the youngest was starting at a new primary school were fought with problems. Settling into a new house, new schools, finding friends were all problematic.
I can still hear in my mind, the yelling of my daughter at each other from when I got off the bus and walked towards the unit. There wasn’t space for the girls to get away from one another after school. They shared a bedroom and a desk for doing their homework. Occasionally one would use the dining table.
One of the nicest out of school character building solutions was that both girls joined the Air Force Cadets. This was something that gave them good interpersonal skills and a different type of knowledge. At the time I did think they both would go onto joining the Force, especially my youngest Roanne.
They both looked so grown up when they were decked out in their uniforms. One of the photos shows Roanne nearly as tall as Corinne and they are four years apart.
Reflecting back over these difficult years and they certainly were difficult years, one such concerning time was having my car repossessed unnecessarily due to an error with the lending provider. This was at a time when life was dealing me some terrible times and it was hard to cope and stay focused for the sake of my daughters.
There were times when I felt why is life so challenging, but being the person I am it was important to continue on the best way that I could for all of us as I knew things could only get better if I worked hard acquired good wages, which of course meant working long hours. Most of my positions were in management, including senior management.
I hear all the benefits that single mothers get now and it makes me sad to know that the struggle we went through could have been avoided if I had an ex-husband that treated his responsibility of being a father first could have made our lives not so difficult for this mother.